A Moment of Reflection: Renna's Screams for Joy and the Uncomfortable Silence

Renna recently attended a birthday party, and like always, she was excited and full of energy. As a non-speaking child, her excitement often comes out in loud squeals of joy. While she was playing with the other kids, everything went well. It was when it was time to eat and have birthday cake that the situation took a turn. Renna continued with her usual excited squeals, and it was clear that not everyone was on the same page.

A little boy sat next to her and every time she screamed, he would hold his ears and look visibly upset. He started saying, "I want to go home," and it was clear that Renna's joyful sounds were making him uncomfortable. His mom kept reassuring him that they’d leave soon, but also trying to make the situation feel okay for us, as though to comfort both her child and me as the parent.

In that moment, I felt my usual tendency to please others kick in. I was anxious, thinking maybe Renna should move to a quieter spot to help the other child feel better. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t my responsibility to manage other people’s emotions. If the little boy was uncomfortable, it was up to his parents to handle it. Renna should not have to change her behavior to fit someone else’s discomfort.

It was a tough realization, though, because I want Renna to be accepted. I want her to feel included and loved, but I also know I can’t control how others react to her. I felt a battle inside of me, torn between wanting her to stop screaming and feeling like I was compromising her happiness to make others more comfortable.

Ultimately, I’m proud of myself for recognizing that I don’t have to fix the discomfort of others, and I can focus on what is best for Renna. She deserves to joyfully experience the same things neurotypical children experience, and I should be able to embrace that without guilt.

To other families experiencing similar situations, my advice is to trust your instincts. You don’t have to be responsible for other people’s discomfort, and it's okay to allow your child to express themselves as they are. Everyone’s emotions are their own to manage. If you find yourself in a situation where the discomfort is too much for your child or yourself, it’s okay to step away. But never feel like you need to change your child’s behavior to fit what others expect. Your child’s joy is worth celebrating.